im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
