Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
