So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
