i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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