new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
