I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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