just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
