Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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