got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
