OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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