Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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