i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
