The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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