You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
