I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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