We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
it glows. i had to have it.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
