Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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