onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
