someone owes me an orgasm
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
