Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
He passed out mid-signature
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
