you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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