ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
sarcasm needs its own font
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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