I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Randomize
