did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
