I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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