Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
