there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
