I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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