i was rollin on her like bob the builder
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
