omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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