Heybabeimwearingurpanties
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
