whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Randomize
