She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
