If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize