Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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