If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
