i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
