New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
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