WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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