I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
