Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
