just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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