Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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