New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
