were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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