I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
