3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
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