how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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