Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
