When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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