i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
