No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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