My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
