when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
