omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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