She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
