soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
