party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
